Monday, May 11, 2015
Doing What You Need, Not What You Want
Hello everybody,
Life has recently thrown some curve balls at me. I've been having a battle in my mind for the longest time, and believe me when I tell you that it was exhausting. In the end, I was forced to choose one of two paths- doing what I wanted to do, or doing what I needed to.
The hardest decision you will have to make is the one that doesn't benefit you now. It's often difficult to think about what's going to be best for your future when you are enjoying something so much in your present. It's kind of like putting blinders on a horse. They can only see what's right in front of them, and not all the chaos that is happening everywhere else around them. You're blinded by your own happiness, and when you realize that what's making you happy might not be what's best for you, it. freaking. sucks.
I'm a religious person, so I believe that God puts little tests in your life in order to teach you lessons down the road. As an almost nineteen year old, I think that I know it all when it reality, my life hasn't even really begun. And no matter how many times I deny this, I really don't have everything all figured out.
(My mom is probably reading this and singing hallelujah)
So what do you do? How do you go about making a decision that you really don't want to? Making a decision that you know isn't going to make any sense, will hurt you, and potentially hurt many other people involved. You just have to do it. You do it when it's right. You can't ever force yourself to do something because someone else tells you to, otherwise you'll spend a long time wondering if you made the right choice, and feel a lot of regret. For a long time I thought this way, but when I really sat down and thought about it, there was a part of me that always knew what I did was right. It's a very mature and brave thing to do, so pat yourself on the back when all is said and done, because it takes a lot to put aside the instant gratification and think what is better for you in the long run.
Then there's going to be the backlash. The regret, the hurt, the constant questioning of, "was that really something I should have done?" The answer is yes. If you were the one that initiated the idea, followed through with it, and walked away, then it was something you should have done. You have to trust your actions, and even if your heart and conscious feel like something isn't quite right, the little subconscious at the back of your mind is ultimately what made that decision for you. So trust yourself.
You also have to tell yourself that sometimes things just weren't meant to be. Sometimes the cards just don't fall quite in the right spots, but again, all of these things are a learning experience. Living a life where everything occurred exactly how you wanted them to wouldn't teach you anything.
If your tough decision is a break up, tell yourself things are going to be okay. Not every single person you date is going to be the right one because that just isn't realistic. Sometimes there are people that are just better off as friends, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with developing that relationship with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend with a little bit of time. If they truly care, they will understand that you are only doing what is best for the both of you. Eventually I am going to be with someone that I am going to spend the rest of my life with, and even start a family with. If there are signs a few months into your relationship that show things could be tough in the future, no matter how selfless of a person I am, I wouldn't let myself pursue a life with the wrong person. This would only result in looking back and wishing I would have listened to my intuition. Break ups are hard on both ends, but they're meant to happen in your life, and you will get through it.
If your tough decision is quitting a job or quitting school, tell yourself that you need to be doing what's making you happy. College is not for everyone. Sometimes things just work out and you end up with an amazing career that didn't require any schooling. If you are dropping out of school to pursue this career, then don't worry about what other people think, just feel lucky that you found your niche without worrying about student loans. If it is a job, you need to again, be thinking about your future. I read an article from the Huffington Post that listed all the different ways hating your job could ruin your health, and I firmly believe that it's true. It can make you unhappy, resulting in problems in your relationship, it can stress you out, leading to lowered immune system and even giving you a higher risk to serious disease. In short, make sure you're doing what you love.
The list for these decisions could go on and on, and I am barely scraping the surface of some of these things. Bottom line, life is hard. It's full of tears and stress and worrying and thinking, but in the end you're going to look back on it and be thankful that you went through everything you did. Though I don't know when my time to go will be, I can take the average life span of an American girl and come to the conclusion that I haven't even lived half of my life. I still have many more things to experience, and I can't let not wanting to do something stop me from trying to create the best future I can for myself.
Life is a road that many travel. There are going to be bumps, detours, flat tires, and loss along the way, but all you can do is fix those things and keep moving forward. I am so incredibly thankful for the people that have been with me through my hard times, and who have supported all my decisions, even when they weren't always the right ones. I am even more thankful for the ones that didn't stick around, but taught me valuable lessons as they left. You're going to meet a lot of temporary people through life, and you're also going to meet people that will be there forever. Don't grieve over the ones that have gone, just take what they taught you and apply it as you move forward. In the end, everything will fall into place.
Until next time,
P.S. If anyone wants to fully read the article about jobs and your health, you can find it here.
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