Sunday, November 23, 2014
Being Okay Alone | How Is It Possible?
I've been putting off writing this post because I wasn't sure if I would be able to write my thoughts and actually mean them, but then something in me clicked the other day, and I knew I could do it.
It is okay to be alone. There are few lucky people who are blessed with the ability to be okay by themselves. For the longest time, I never thought I could be one of them. As humans, we thrive off of instant gratification. The convenience of having a person by your side that makes life seem not so bad all the time is comfortable, but not necessary. Whether you are going through a death, a break up, or even just a time in your life where you feel as if you are all alone, I can promise you that you will survive it, and come out healthier and stronger than you've ever been before.
Instead of relying on someone to make you happy, do it by yourself. You are alive, and you have the ability to do anything in the world you want. There should be nothing holding you back from pursuing the things you want to do. You could pack a bag, go to the airport, buy a ticket, and travel to any destination your heart desires. Complete your bucket list, or publish that short story that's been sitting on your desk for months. Do the things that make you happy, and let a person recognize that and come to you.
I've always believe that you cannot love someone to your fullest potential until you can love yourself. I struggled with this for a while, and towards the end of a very rocky period in my life, I felt like I couldn't feel alive or happy anymore. I didn't realize what was holding me back, or maybe I just didn't want to accept that something I thought was good for me maybe had been toxic for me the whole time. But I'm happy now. Happier than I have ever been. There is nothing more satisfying than doing something that you thought you couldn't all by yourself. I'm awful at math, and constantly had people making fun of me because I couldn't complete "easy" problems. I relied on someone to help me because I didn't have the confidence or even try to do it myself. The other day, however, I drove to my favorite coffee shop, sat down, and completed my math homework all by myself... And got 100% on it.
God, I know it's hard. I know what it feels like to walk through school or through the mall and see couples or groups of friends and think, "why don't I have that? Why am I all by myself?" Replace those thoughts. Instead think, "hey, good for them. They're doing their thing, and I'm doing mine." Just like things have been for your whole life, there will be good days and bad days. Do not dwell on the bad days though, just use them to appreciate the good days that much more. There are going to be days where you surround yourself with friends and have the time of your life, and there are going to be days where you lay in bed and read a book. Appreciate both of them.
I have a friend from Sweden, and while studying for a test together I asked her what her least favorite thing about America was. She told me, "People are too caught up in everything to know themselves. You'll ask someone, 'who are you?' and they don't know how to answer the question, because they don't take the time to find themselves." I've never heard anything more true in my life. "Who are you?" is one of the hardest questions you can ask someone. They don't want to sound silly or full of themselves with their answer, so they instead just say, "Oh uh, I don't know I'm not that interesting." But why? Why is everyone so afraid of loving themselves and everything they have to offer? I know that I am a good writer, and that I would do anything for anyone. That I live to see happiness and peace among people, and I'm a sucker for a good romance novel. Take some time to think about who you are. I spent the last two years being someone that I didn't want to be, but never changed because I didn't know how. All I had to do though was tell myself, "yeah.. you haven't been who you want to be, so change it."
I've grown more than I could even put into words in these past two weeks. I've read more books, explored, and even created closer friendships with people who I thought I had nothing in common with. Life is growth. Whether it's physically or mentally, everyone and everything has to grow. Don't fight it, embrace it. Learn things about yourself. Face a situation head on instead of cowering behind someone else and letting them deal with it for you. An army is not an army without every individual solider coming together for battle. You and only you are capable of doing anything if you just give yourself some credit and try.
I am not happy because of anyone but myself. I now know that whatever path I may go down in the next chapter of my life, I will be ready for it. No matter what anyone says, there is nothing wrong with loving yourself.
Take care, and until next time,
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Feeling Low | How Do I Get Back Up?
There are always going to be low points in your life. Ones that are easy to recover from, and others where you feel like you will never be able to get back up again. You will feel like you have shattered, and instead of picking up your own pieces, you watch the ones you love try to do it for you. You can't eat, can't sleep, and have a constant sick-to-your-stomach feeling. How can you push your heart and mind to recover from all of this?
It's hard. Each day gets a little harder. The longer something is missing from your life, the less you feel as a person. You feel like you can't escape it. The sadness is everywhere. You hear a song on the radio, come across a picture, have a dream, even just think about something, and feel sad. Nothing feels real, all you can do is go through the motions and hope one day things will pick back up.
And they will. You're going to feel down for a long time. You need to accept that. If it meant anything to you, it's going to hurt to not have it anymore. It's supposed to hurt. Then one day you are going to wake up, and something will be different. Maybe you wont feel so sick anymore, or you'll suddenly be craving your favorite breakfast food. You can't rush yourself, there is no quick fix to deep pain. Do your best to take a day an hour at a time. "I made it from 9:00 to 10:00, time to try 10:00 to 11:00." Do things you enjoy. Paint a picture, make a mix tape, read your favorite book. Go to the shelter and play with dogs, drive to the beach, just try to make yourself less sad. Make happiness a goal. You need to achieve many things in order to accomplish a goal, it is not just granted in the blink of an eye.
The hardest thing to accept is that you cannot blame yourself. Things just happen in this world, and they are out of your control. It's going to be tough, but it isn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done to see it coming, and nothing you can do to change it. Nothing would be thrown your way that you couldn't handle. Experiences make you a stronger, better person. They make you learn things about yourself that you never knew. They make you realize, "If I can get through that, I can do anything."
Life is going to go on for everyone else. Just because your world has come to a halt doesn't mean anyone else's has. You are going to see other people happy, and feel jealous and angry that you can't do the same. You are going to feel like you're invisible, wonder why nobody stops and asks you, "hey, are you okay?" You can't sit around and wait for something to change. Wait for him to call you and tell you it was all a big mistake. Time heals everything, all you can do is wait. If something is meant to be, it will be.. No matter what.
After the sadness, there is going to be anger. You're no longer going to feel weak, you're going to feel powerful. You are going to want to yell, curse, punch, do anything you can to release these new found passionate feelings. If you need to, then do it. Just like medicine heals a sickness, releasing your emotions is the remedy for pain. Don't take your anger out on other people, however. Don't text people things, post things on social media, because you are better than that. Be angry, but be mature. Be the classy person you know you are. You were fine before the pain, you will be fine after.
Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Your loved ones thrive to make you better. You are not bothering anyone, they want to help you. You are never alone. If you are spiritual, pray. If you have the opportunity, talk to a counselor, psychologist, maybe even a teacher or professor you have developed a close relationship with. Get advice from anyone and everyone you can, and piece it all together. Go out and do things you did with the someone or something that you lost. Even if it's hard, if you can't make it all the way through, just the attempt proves that you are getting a little stronger. Leave yourself little reminders that you will be okay. It seems cheesy, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. A friend of mine told me, "Sometimes life sucks, but we wouldn't be able to appreciate the wonderful times if it wasn't for some shitty times."
Nothing is perfect, and nothing lasts forever. How do you get back up? At your own pace. Be patient, take deep breaths, and don't give up hope. For every low, there is a high, and when you least expect it, happiness with flourish in your life once again.
Sincerely,
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