photo credit to newsroom.findlay.edu
Hello there,
It's been a while since I've posted on my blog. That being said, I still have been writing, just on paper instead of electronically. A while back I read the book "The Opposite of Loneliness" by Mariana Keegan and wrote down some thoughts about it in my journal. It has been a long time since I have been so moved by a piece of literature, so I thought I would share those feelings with you guys.
"I'm writing this with so much emotion flooding through me that I hope I'll be able to organize my thoughts instead of producing a jumbled rant.
People lie awake at night thinking. Thinking about their wrongdoings, thinking about other galaxies, if theres another planet out there like Earth, if fish go to heaven like humans do; if there even is a heaven. I know because I too lie awake wondering, wishing, thinking. Lately, however, I have a different thought. A singular, haunting thought that makes my throat dry and my mind feel as if it is being consumed by thousands of tiny gnats.
Why are great people appreciated when they're already gone?
There are a thousand, million, trillion instances in which my thought is relevant. Some I am aware of, other I am not. I'm going to share two.
I am a lover of Van Gogh. Not so much the artist Van Gogh, though wildly talented, I've always fancied him more as just a person. Just Vincent. Because of this fondness, I did my fair share of research on Vincent Van Gogh and confirmed what I kind of already knew- that he was plagued with depression. Not angsty teenage depression, not "I'll never find a job with this art degree" depression. Vincent Van Gogh had crippling, sickening, horrible depression.
Without truly interpreting his artwork, you probably wouldn't know how sad this man was. Look at Irises, Starry Night, Sunflowers, some of his most famous works, and notice that theres a popular trend of color, texture, and life. But like the "big truck, small man" analogy, he too was overcompensating for something.
So yeah, this guy was sad. And then he died. Some think his death was the man protecting a young boy with a malfunctioning gun, others believe it was due to a self inflicted gunshot wound. Art historians tend to stick to the latter, thought that could just be the romanticizing of mental illness. Nonetheless, he was gone.
Van Gogh's artist breakthrough, the "AHA!" moment of his career began in 1888, and two years later he was dead. A man who once (or maybe many times) ate yellow paint to try and make his insides happy, a man who grew up with no love and only one friend, a sad man who deserved recognition, who deserved much more when he was alive... A man who changed the world. Why couldn't he of been there to witness that change? Cause sometimes life just works like that.
Unaware of my debilitating, or better yet, incessant thoughts about under appreciation, I was recommended a book. Titled "The Opposite of Loneliness" professor Anne Feldman introduces us to the author, Mariana Keegan. Determined to keep literature alive, to find this nameless 'opposite of loneliness', Mariana began to write. And at 23, she too was gone.
I didn't so much read her words. Instead it felt like she was there with me, chatting them over a cup of coffee. Two pages into her words, I was moved. As an instant New York Times bestseller, it seems like I wasn't the only one.
We cannot laugh with Mariana Keegan, we cannot cry with her. All we can do is read her words and feel her impact, feeling that same feeling you get when you hear your favorite childhood song. That feeling when you look at the works of Van Gogh. Bittersweet, powerful, nostalgia.
Perhaps people who are more intelligent and analytical can look into this theory. The theory that these things, art work, words, people, can change lives without physically being alive. Though all these tiny little legacies will live on in the hearts, minds, and conversations of the people they've touched, I'm determined to make a change. I'm determined to find my Vincent Van Gogh, my Mariana Keegan, my influencer, and tell them that they've changed a life.
So like every shitty writer, I'll end with a cliche. Life is so short, and so precious. So live like there really is no tomorrow."
I absolutely 100% recommend this book. It's a collection of short essays by Keegan, both fiction and non-fiction.
As far as the life changing thing goes, I encourage you to go find someone who has made an impact on you, and let them know. I saw a post on Tumblr the other day, and if you know who wrote it let me know so I can give them credit, but it said a little something like this.
"Today my anthropology professor said something really beautiful: "You all have a little bit of 'I want to change the world' in you, that's why you're here, in college. I want you to know that it's okay if you only change one person, and it's okay if that person is you."
Have a wonderful evening, and hope you're all enjoying this October weather as much as I am.
♡,
