Humans strive for a relationship that will last. Whether it is creating a professional bond with a boss, or creating an intimate bond with someone you care about, it is hard to argue that a community could thrive without relationships. The problem with modern relationships is the low priority of maintaining a healthy one.
There was a time of my life when I struggled with security. A lot of the time I didn't realize that my inner struggles were not only affecting me, but also the people around me. I felt like I was a monster. I had people telling me I was crazy. I was irrational. I was a bitch. Why was it all my fault?
And then came the voice of reason: my mom. She took me to a church parking lot, held my hands, looked me in the eye and said to me, "Have you ever wondered if maybe it's someone else? Maybe it's not always you?" From then on, I began to view my relationships from a different perspective. One of the hardest things about keeping yourself healthy and sane is realizing that the strong connections you have with certain people aren't always beneficial. And while it's not always something we want to do, sometimes we have to detox the poisonous people from our lives.
So I did. I lost some friends, a relationship ended, and I felt low. And I knew it would get better, but I never understood to what extent. I began to surround myself with people who were good for me. I created relationships with others who had the same beliefs as me, who shared the same interests, and with those relationships grew a newfound confidence. I had never felt so high in my life. I shared personal writing with my classmates, I talked about literature with my cute coworker, who has sense then become my perfect fit.
But how is this all possible? If it's a two way street, how do we gain the ability to control the oncoming traffic? We don't. We find those who are willing to go with 'our' flow, and together we work to maintain stability.
Personally, the thing I struggled with the most in relationships was jealousy. And whoever tells you that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of jealousy is wrong, and you should tell them that they're wrong. Jealousy is unforgiving; jealousy is mean, nasty, and it only makes things worse. Don't get me wrong, I still get jealous. Sometimes about things that are reasonable, but often times not. But the difference is I don't express those feelings in a negative way. An important aspect of a healthy relationship is security, and when you have it there's no need to worry about anyone else. Flirty girls will come and go, but you'll always be the one to tell your partner that their breath smells, or that their too grumpy for their own good that day. And guess what? They're going to love you anyways.
With confidence and security comes communication. Because sometimes there are going to be silly things that bother you, but you should be able to talk about them. Sometimes as human beings we take our emotions out on others. To a certain extent, there is nothing wrong with this, as long as you communicate it. You snap, and then you follow with, "I didn't mean that. I just had a really awful day at work, but that has nothing to do with you and I'm sorry." I guarantee a healthy conversation will bring your stress levels down, and bring you closer to your partner.
Above all, just have fun. While relationships are supposed to be a serious commitment, there are times when things don't need to be taken so seriously. Be yourself with each other, and simply enjoy each other's company.
People are going to come and go. Some things aren't meant to last forever; some people aren't meant to be in your life. Instead of regretting the toxic relationships in my life, I instead see them as learning experiences. This person was put in my life to teach me a lesson, and now that their lesson is learned, they are no longer needed. Ultimately, just have fun in life. Find people that don't take anything too seriously. You should surround yourself with people who make you the best version of yourself.
I'm inexperienced in life, and I'm still learning how most things work. But to the best of my ability, I will try to share with people the methods I used to become the happiest I've ever been.
What do you do to create lasting relationships with people? What are your experiences with losing toxic people in your life? Let me know, and as always, thanks for reading.
Love,
