Monday, April 13, 2015

Wrap Up | Freshman Year In A Nutshell

comic from slugbooks.tumblr.com

Wow, it's been a while. Probably too long. I think sometimes we let our crazy lives get in the way of things that we enjoy, and in some cases, need. So here I am, back at blogging!

My first year of college is almost over. It's crazy to think that only a year ago I was still in high school receiving my college acceptance, and rejection, letters and preparing for this scary new lifestyle. Through social media I've seen a lot of my high school friends going through this same transition. Getting ready for prom and grad night, then before you know it, you'll be walking through the campus of your new, much larger school with the same butterflies I had in my stomach on my first day of college.

Let me start this by breaking down a few myths I heard throughout high school about how terrifying college would be. College is not scary. College is actually a LOT better than high school. Your professors will not lock their doors the second class starts, your professors will care about you and your success, maybe even more than some of the teachers you had in high school. If you miss one class session, you will not fail, and often times if you just email your professor and explain the situation, they will either email you the lecture or summarize what you missed in class. Moving out of your parent's house will be terrifying, there will be times when you feel like you can't do it, and there will be times when you are so homesick that it hurts.

Now that you know all of that, you can take a deep breath, because it will be okay. It's been a year and I have survived every second of it. It wasn't easy though. A lot of people don't understand that this time in our lives is supposed to be difficult. There are going to be days when you have breakdowns. There are going to be nights where you are drowning in homework. You might fail a test, and you may even fail a class. You can't beat yourself up about these things though. These four years are for learning about something you love, and for learning about yourself. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again.

I may only be wrapping up my first year of college, but I do have some advice for incoming freshman, or even people on campus in general that have not learned these things already.

Make sure that you involve yourself in social situations on campus. I chose to not live in the dorms my freshman year, and this made it a lot harder for me to get involved and make new friends on campus. Consider joining Greek life, ASI, or even something as simple as a book club on campus. Just do something to make your time there worthwhile.
Don't be afraid to participate in class discussions. Engage with your peers. If you are not interested in a subject, teach yourself to be interested in it. Posing questions or comments in any lecture will make your learning experience that much better.
Visit your professors office hours. Whether this is because you are stuck on something you learned in class, or simply because you want to get to know them better, visiting them on your own time shows them that you care about your success in their class and will give them a better look on the kind of person and student you are.
Don't force yourself to choose a major right away. If you are unsure about what you want to study, enter college as undeclared. Taking general education classes can often spark an interest in something that you were unaware you enjoyed. If you begin to study with one major and decide you want to switch, talk to an advisor. Make sure that your credits will transfer over smoothly to ensure a shorter road to your degree.

I've grown up. I've matured mentally, and even physically in such a short amount of time. I've learned the importance of time management, found faith in the Gas Buddy app, and even enjoy vacuuming my apartment and washing dishes. With one year down and three to go, I can only be excited about what other changes will come in my life. College is a time for learning and having fun. Don't ever let the stress or uncertainty of the new lifestyle get in the way of those things.

I'm happy to be blogging again, and hope this post shed a little light on what to expect in college, as well as inform you how my first year went.

Until next time,

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

14 Things I Learned in 2014

What a year 2014 has been. Between overcoming two major health problems, the transition from high school to college, moving into my own apartment, and a long term relationship coming to an end, it’s been a life changing, whirlwind of a year to say the least. I’ve learned so much throughout it, however, about myself, others, and just life in general. I thought it would be interesting to make a list of just a few things I’ve discovered this year.

Not everyone is going to care as much as you do, and that’s okay. For me, I think this was the most important one. I’ve struggled for a long time about the effort other people put into relationships and friendships versus my own. I’m a passionate person, and give 100% in anything that I do. I didn’t quite understand why everyone else didn’t live their lives the same way. Everyone is different though, and everyone contributes to this world in their own special way. We have compassionate people, strong people, smart people, etc. Life needs balance.
Hating a person won’t make what they did to you go away. Hate is such a strong emotion that has an awful tendency of bringing people down. For a long time this year, I allowed myself to become very brought down by hatred. Then I decided to put that energy into other things, and it has given me a much more positive and healthy mindset. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control. People are going to hurt you. Pain is inevitable in this life, but happiness is as well. Don’t forget that.
It’s easy to think happy thoughts. I’ve noticed how easy it is to train your mind to think a certain way. The only thing preventing happiness is your own misery. You can dwell on something, or you can use it to your advantage and better yourself as a person along the way. It’s all up to you.
It’s okay, and sometimes better, to be alone. You can’t expect a person to fully love you until you can love yourself, and you must learn that you cannot love to your greatest ability if you aren’t okay without somebody. Having a person by your side is comfortable, but you need to learn how to fight some of your battles on your own.
The best gifts are memories. Every year I grow a little older, Christmas time and the holidays in general have began to hold a different meaning to me. I’ve discovered that I don’t have a desire for material things as much, and instead have the itch to create memories with the people I love. For Christmas this year, my parents surprised my brother and I by renting a cabin in the mountains to spend Christmas day in. We bought a tree in our town, tied it to the top of our car, and drove up there. We made ornaments out of things we found in the forrest, and kept the cabin warm with a wood burning fire every night. It was the first time in a while that Christmas really did feel like Christmas, and I think it was because I was worried less about the presents I was receiving, and more about spending time with the people I love.
There will be people that change your mind about things, embrace them. I’ve met so many amazing people this year. Some new, and others that were already in my life, and I developed a closer relationship with them. The most ironic thing is that every time I begin to have doubts about something, a person comes into my life to prove me otherwise. Don’t give up hope, sometimes the most amazing people are hiding where you least expect them.
Home is where the heart is. Moving out of my childhood home and into an apartment an hour away from my family was one of the most difficult things I’ve overcame this year. I was afraid that wherever I was, it wouldn’t feel like ‘home’ because I was used to a different thing. The funny thing about change though is that you adapt very quickly to it. I learned that as long as I have my family, anywhere can feel like home.
The book is ALWAYS better than the movie. 2014 was the year of some of my favorite novels moving to the big screen. I would walk into the theater with such high expectations, and leave with a strong sense of disappointment in my gut. Argue with me for as long as you want, the book is always better.
Look for someone who loves you for all of you, not just parts of you. Theres goods and bads to everyone, and there are going to be some people who love both, and others who only choose to appreciate the good. Don’t fall for someone that does not love the whole you.
You are constantly growing and changing, don’t keep anyone in your life that is going to stifle that. Being only 18 years old, I know I still have so much to learn in life, and so much more changing to do. You can’t surround yourself with people who don’t allow you to do that. I’ve lost a few friends throughout this year because of this. If someone really cares about you, they won’t be close minded about your decisions and the person you’re turning into.
It’s okay to have days of doing nothing. This is something I’ve learned in the last few weeks of 2014. I have been go, go, going for two weeks straight, and my body is suffering because of it. You need to take it easy sometimes. A tree may seem strong, but it didn’t get that way by constantly trying to grow under harsh, unhealthy conditions. Your body is the same way. Stress can do terrible things to a body, especially mine. Make sure to always take a day or two to drink some tea, lay in bed, and unwind.
Online classes are a lot harder than you would think. This year, I learned responsibility. I took an online History course (American History the 1500’s-1857 to be exact… yuck..) and it was online. I thought that it wouldn’t be as much work because I could do things at my own pace, but I was very very wrong. Never underestimate something, and work hard no matter how easy it might seem.
You can’t care about other people’s opinions. Guess what? No matter what you do, there is ALWAYS going to be at least one person that isn’t going to agree with it. There are going to be people that don’t like your writing, people that don’t like your outfit, even people that just don’t like you. Maybe they’ll have a reason for it, maybe they won’t. Bottom line, don’t let it effect you. Don’t live your life to please other people. The only person that you should be striving to make happy is yourself.
It’s okay to be a little wild sometimes. Okay.. I don’t mean go out and party every single night and get wasted, or do anything to put your body in danger, but just to make some impulsive, questionable decisions sometimes. You can’t live in fear. Yes, I went swimming in the ocean at midnight one night, and yes I got a cold and many bruises from it.. But I have a story to tell, and a great memory under my belt. You need to live a little. Especially at eighteen, I know that soon I’m going to have to be worrying about taxes and finding a career. Life is too short to not have a little bit of fun.

This year has been unforgettable. I’ve met amazing people, made wonderful memories, and learned more about myself than I have in eighteen years of being alive. There is not a single thing that I would change about 2014, and I’m excited to see everything 2015 has to offer. I hope everyone had a happy holiday and amazing New Year!

Until 2015,

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Being Okay Alone | How Is It Possible?

I've been putting off writing this post because I wasn't sure if I would be able to write my thoughts and actually mean them, but then something in me clicked the other day, and I knew I could do it.

It is okay to be alone. There are few lucky people who are blessed with the ability to be okay by themselves. For the longest time, I never thought I could be one of them. As humans, we thrive off of instant gratification. The convenience of having a person by your side that makes life seem not so bad all the time is comfortable, but not necessary. Whether you are going through a death, a break up, or even just a time in your life where you feel as if you are all alone, I can promise you that you will survive it, and come out healthier and stronger than you've ever been before.

Instead of relying on someone to make you happy, do it by yourself. You are alive, and you have the ability to do anything in the world you want. There should be nothing holding you back from pursuing the things you want to do. You could pack a bag, go to the airport, buy a ticket, and travel to any destination your heart desires. Complete your bucket list, or publish that short story that's been sitting on your desk for months. Do the things that make you happy, and let a person recognize that and come to you.

I've always believe that you cannot love someone to your fullest potential until you can love yourself. I struggled with this for a while, and towards the end of a very rocky period in my life, I felt like I couldn't feel alive or happy anymore. I didn't realize what was holding me back, or maybe I just didn't want to accept that something I thought was good for me maybe had been toxic for me the whole time. But I'm happy now. Happier than I have ever been. There is nothing more satisfying than doing something that you thought you couldn't all by yourself. I'm awful at math, and constantly had people making fun of me because I couldn't complete "easy" problems. I relied on someone to help me because I didn't have the confidence or even try to do it myself. The other day, however, I drove to my favorite coffee shop, sat down, and completed my math homework all by myself... And got 100% on it.

God, I know it's hard. I know what it feels like to walk through school or through the mall and see couples or groups of friends and think, "why don't I have that? Why am I all by myself?" Replace those thoughts. Instead think, "hey, good for them. They're doing their thing, and I'm doing mine." Just like things have been for your whole life, there will be good days and bad days. Do not dwell on the bad days though, just use them to appreciate the good days that much more. There are going to be days where you surround yourself with friends and have the time of your life, and there are going to be days where you lay in bed and read a book. Appreciate both of them.

I have a friend from Sweden, and while studying for a test together I asked her what her least favorite thing about America was. She told me, "People are too caught up in everything to know themselves. You'll ask someone, 'who are you?' and they don't know how to answer the question, because they don't take the time to find themselves." I've never heard anything more true in my life. "Who are you?" is one of the hardest questions you can ask someone. They don't want to sound silly or full of themselves with their answer, so they instead just say, "Oh uh, I don't know I'm not that interesting." But why? Why is everyone so afraid of loving themselves and everything they have to offer? I know that I am a good writer, and that I would do anything for anyone. That I live to see happiness and peace among people, and I'm a sucker for a good romance novel. Take some time to think about who you are. I spent the last two years being someone that I didn't want to be, but never changed because I didn't know how. All I had to do though was tell myself, "yeah.. you haven't been who you want to be, so change it."

I've grown more than I could even put into words in these past two weeks. I've read more books, explored, and even created closer friendships with people who I thought I had nothing in common with. Life is growth. Whether it's physically or mentally, everyone and everything has to grow. Don't fight it, embrace it. Learn things about yourself. Face a situation head on instead of cowering behind someone else and letting them deal with it for you. An army is not an army without every individual solider coming together for battle. You and only you are capable of doing anything if you just give yourself some credit and try.

I am not happy because of anyone but myself. I now know that whatever path I may go down in the next chapter of my life, I will be ready for it. No matter what anyone says, there is nothing wrong with loving yourself.

Take care, and until next time,

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Feeling Low | How Do I Get Back Up?

There are always going to be low points in your life. Ones that are easy to recover from, and others where you feel like you will never be able to get back up again. You will feel like you have shattered, and instead of picking up your own pieces, you watch the ones you love try to do it for you. You can't eat, can't sleep, and have a constant sick-to-your-stomach feeling. How can you push your heart and mind to recover from all of this?

It's hard. Each day gets a little harder. The longer something is missing from your life, the less you feel as a person. You feel like you can't escape it. The sadness is everywhere. You hear a song on the radio, come across a picture, have a dream, even just think about something, and feel sad. Nothing feels real, all you can do is go through the motions and hope one day things will pick back up.

And they will. You're going to feel down for a long time. You need to accept that. If it meant anything to you, it's going to hurt to not have it anymore. It's supposed to hurt. Then one day you are going to wake up, and something will be different. Maybe you wont feel so sick anymore, or you'll suddenly be craving your favorite breakfast food. You can't rush yourself, there is no quick fix to deep pain. Do your best to take a day an hour at a time. "I made it from 9:00 to 10:00, time to try 10:00 to 11:00." Do things you enjoy. Paint a picture, make a mix tape, read your favorite book. Go to the shelter and play with dogs, drive to the beach, just try to make yourself less sad. Make happiness a goal. You need to achieve many things in order to accomplish a goal, it is not just granted in the blink of an eye.

The hardest thing to accept is that you cannot blame yourself. Things just happen in this world, and they are out of your control. It's going to be tough, but it isn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done to see it coming, and nothing you can do to change it. Nothing would be thrown your way that you couldn't handle. Experiences make you a stronger, better person. They make you learn things about yourself that you never knew. They make you realize, "If I can get through that, I can do anything."

Life is going to go on for everyone else. Just because your world has come to a halt doesn't mean anyone else's has. You are going to see other people happy, and feel jealous and angry that you can't do the same. You are going to feel like you're invisible, wonder why nobody stops and asks you, "hey, are you okay?" You can't sit around and wait for something to change. Wait for him to call you and tell you it was all a big mistake. Time heals everything, all you can do is wait. If something is meant to be, it will be.. No matter what.

After the sadness, there is going to be anger. You're no longer going to feel weak, you're going to feel powerful. You are going to want to yell, curse, punch, do anything you can to release these new found passionate feelings. If you need to, then do it. Just like medicine heals a sickness, releasing your emotions is the remedy for pain. Don't take your anger out on other people, however. Don't text people things, post things on social media, because you are better than that. Be angry, but be mature. Be the classy person you know you are. You were fine before the pain, you will be fine after.

Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Your loved ones thrive to make you better. You are not bothering anyone, they want to help you. You are never alone. If you are spiritual, pray. If you have the opportunity, talk to a counselor, psychologist, maybe even a teacher or professor you have developed a close relationship with. Get advice from anyone and everyone you can, and piece it all together. Go out and do things you did with the someone or something that you lost. Even if it's hard, if you can't make it all the way through, just the attempt proves that you are getting a little stronger. Leave yourself little reminders that you will be okay. It seems cheesy, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. A friend of mine told me, "Sometimes life sucks, but we wouldn't be able to appreciate the wonderful times if it wasn't for some shitty times."

Nothing is perfect, and nothing lasts forever. How do you get back up? At your own pace. Be patient, take deep breaths, and don't give up hope. For every low, there is a high, and when you least expect it, happiness with flourish in your life once again.

Sincerely,

Monday, October 20, 2014

"Why Are You So Skinny?"

Oh yes, my favorite question.

"Baylei, why are you so skinny?"

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Love & Technology | Is It Healthy?

image from t-ransparenc-y.tumblr.com

Hello again,

Unless you have been living under a rock, you would be aware that the world is changing in phenomenal ways. We are a generation that thrives on technology. Everything is online. You can read your books on a Nook or a Kindle, browse your favorite magazine on the publisher's website, find any information you need in a few seconds, et cetera et cetera. This, like every other development America has had over the years, has pros and cons.

I believe this eruption of technological advances has the most impact on my generation. When I was a kid and my family was planning on going anywhere, I would either grab my favorite book or a stuffed animal to play with along the ride. At restaurants, I would color on the menu provided for me, and spend all my summer nights racing scooters or playing kickball in the street with the neighborhood kids. All of these things are very rare now, and it makes me sad. I will go out to dinner with my family, and while walking through the restaurant to our table, I will see kids younger then 10 with their noses in an iPad or iPhone. Middle schoolers have smart phones, giving them access to all the dangerous places the internet offers that they may not be educated on. And it's really, really scary.

I keep myself pretty updated on technology, but there is one thing I refuse to change, and that is my method of reading. Reading on an e-reader will never give you the comforting smell of paper and print, the satisfaction of turning the last page. It terrifies me that one day books will no longer exist, and instead everything will be converted to words on a screen. It frightens me even more for the generation of my children. If I choose to raise my children old fashioned, will they be made fun of? Will they despise me because I'm going to encourage them to read real books, to go outside and play, and to not expose them to technology so early on like parents do today? The whole evolution of it is absolutely frightening.

This brings me onto a more specific topic, which is modern love. No girl should believe that the most she deserves from a guy is for him to make her his woman crush Wednesday on Twitter. I know chivalry still exists, but I worry it is becoming less important the more our generation advances. The grand gesture for a guy to do today is "slide in to your DMs" or "retweet your selfie". People are stuck in this vortex of attention on social media, and will do almost anything to get it. They'll disrespect themselves and deviate from who they truly are to grasp the attention of their followers, and if they don't get it they feel like they aren't as worthy of the girl who got 100+ favorites on a picture of herself. Twitter is dangerous, especially for the self esteem. Your feed is a constant flow of guys doing cute things for a girl with "Relationship Goals" as the caption, or a beautiful girl with people in awe over how perfect she is. Don't let this phase you. You are not any less amazing just because you aren't "popular" on Twitter. If people are saying things over Twitter, especially in a negative way, just feel sorry that they are too cowardly to say it to someone's face.

This is because people hide behind their phones, and often say things over text message or the internet that they wouldn't say to someone face to face, because it's just easier that way. Problems aren't being solved with human interaction anymore. Miscommunication is a popular issue in relationships, because the context of something you say can so easily be misconstrued. The tone of a person's voice gives so much clarity into what they are trying to say to you, but obviously, a text message has no tone, only the words that are in front of you.

Why do we feel the need to be glued to our phones? Are we going to miss that much if we turn our phones off for just a day and go do something exciting? I watch movies and see the classic "guy throws girl in the pool" bit and think to myself, "That can't even happen anymore because people have their phone in their pocket at all times." I'll see couples out on a date, and they won't even be talking to each other, instead they'll be checking their phones, maybe share a word or two, then go back to seeing what's new on Twitter. Even I'm guilty of this, and I hate it. I like to think of technology as a safety blanket for today's society. People feel naked when they don't have their phones with them. If they aren't in the mood to interact with someone, they simply go on their phone and pretend that they are doing something important. How is this going to affect things like job interviews, public speaking skills, getting to know people, and simply the art of human interaction? Probably not very positively.

Don't get me wrong, there are beautiful benefits to this Technological Revolution. Quite ironically, I wouldn't be able to be writing this post, and getting my voice out on the internet, if it weren't for technology. I don't let it impair my ability to communicate in person, though, and I think that is starting to become an apparent problem in people, especially teenagers, today.

Love is so much more than what you see on the internet. People's lives look perfect because that's the point. Why would they post about things like losing their jobs, having a terrible fight with their significant other, or just all together having a crappy day? Some people do post about these kinds of these, but psychologically I think it's because they want someone to see it, feel bad for them, and tell them that it's going to be okay.

Make a person ask you out face to face. Don't settle for a text message or Snapchat. If you see an argument begin to erupt, ask to meet up in person, or at least advance to the next step and solve it over a phone call. The best form of love is the one that is silent. The one that you don't need to tell the world how great it is, because it's your happy, little secret that you only want to share with your significant other.

We need to preserve the skill of communication. Emotion, tone, and body language are all important aspects of truly understanding what a person is trying to say. If technology continues to rise, and more people begin to rely on it, the world is going to be one Twitter argument away from disaster.

Embrace technology, but don't let it take over your life.

Until next time,

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Book Review | Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Hello there!
First, I want to apologize for taking so long to post. It has been a crazy week! Anyways, I finally finished Gone Girl. Actually, I finished last Thursday, but I wanted to wait to post this review until after I saw the movie so I could compare the two.

Gone Girl is a thriller written by novelist Gillian Flynn. It tells the story of Nick and Amy Dunne, and their once perfect, now struggling marriage, and the events that lead up to the disappearance of Amy Dunne. The first portion of the story is told in first person, by both Nick and Amy, Nick telling his story in the present, and Amy telling hers in diary entries from the past.

I can tell how much I am going to enjoy a book after finishing the first page. After reading the first sentence, I was immediately drawn in. I had an extremely busy week with mid terms and papers due, and I still found plenty of time to read the book. The back and forth between the past and present creates a very eerie feel for the book, as you watch the marriage between Amy and Nick unravel with each word you read. The story feels so real. The way the author writes makes you feel like you are in the room with the characters. Like you are watching the police question Nick in the interrogation room, like you're walking next to Amy down the busy streets of New York.

I'm not a fan of stories that give detailed character descriptions, as I have an active imagination while I read. Being able to picture the characters myself creates a more personal relationship between me and the book. Gillian Flynn achieves the perfect balance of description and imagination. I could hear Amy's voice, see Nick's smile. Every technique Flynn used to make this a top notch novel worked perfectly. I found myself so anxious and paranoid as I read the book. I would be reading, and as the suspense would build, I could feel my pulse increase. Chilling, haunting, but beautiful.

Now, I've raved about the positives, but there are negatives to the novel. I am a sucker for a happy ending. It is a crucial aspect in how I judge how good or bad a book is. This story did not have a happy, or satisfying, ending. Which is understandable, the novel is brilliant and I believe it would not have the same effect if Flynn would have ended the book a different way, but I was frustrated when I finished the last page. At the time I did not know it was the last page, since the acknowledgments followed right after. Once I read it, turned the page, and found out that was indeed the end, I was frustrated. For those of you who have read the Divergent series, and know the aggravation of that ending, I felt the same. There isn't much more I can say without giving away the book. Don't take this as my indirect way of telling you not to read the book. The story is beautiful. Brilliant character development, surprises around every corner, a twisted love story is the best way to put it. The ending of the novel gives you a feeling of discomfort, but somehow you accept it.

I finished the book on Thursday, and begged my boyfriend to come see the movie with me that Saturday. I enjoy reading the book before seeing the movie because it gives me an advantage over the rest of the audience. I know what's going to happen, and while I can still be just as shocked, sad, happy, etc. about events that occur throughout the plot, I'm always one step ahead. The movie followed the book in all the right ways. The director, David Fincher, took out and added in the right aspects to make for an interesting movie. I do not like a movie that religiously follows a book, because it gives the reading audience nothing to be surprised about. There were details that were slightly tweaked, but not enough to cause an uproar in the reading community.

The casting was something I had a concern with. I think Rosumand Pike played Amy perfectly. There were other characters that I didn't quite picture the way they were casted. Desi Collings was played by Neil Patrick Harris, who is often depicted as a humorous character. I had a hard time separating Desi from Neil Patrick Harris' renowned role as Barney Stinson in the hit television series How I Met Your Mother. Maybe this makes me a unexperienced/untalented critic of the film, but that's how I felt.

What I can say, with the highest praise, is bravo to both Gillian Flynn and David Fincher. They both did their part in creating an ingenious story. I strongly recommend the book, but I also recommend you read it before seeing the movie.

Until next time,

17freckles